Dan Gilliam: Old News

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35 NIV)

Sometime around 1978, my freshman year at Cincinnati Christian University I started to dabble in this “time alone with God” stuff. I heard professors and fellow classmates talking about it as something serious Christians practiced, so desiring to be hailed as a serious Christian, I waded into the shallow waters of prayer and meditation with little understanding and no expectation. My commitment was wavering and erratic at best, but I plodded forward with all the spiritual enthusiasm a 19 year old ministerial student could muster. Since I never “heard” from God, at least verbally, I assumed that most of the work in this devotional experience was up to me and that I was to make use of the 20-30 minutes of quiet time to tell God things about myself and the world around me. I knew little or nothing about the concept of “waiting on the Lord” of being still in his presence in order for him to do his work in me. So, my time alone with God developed into sort of a one-way communication between God and me that continued like this for decades. If I missed the time, which happened frequently, I felt guilty as if God would be disappointed that I didn’t care enough about him to show up. The visual image of Jesus waiting alone for me in my dorm room could make me cry if I thought about it long enough, but it was never sufficient to make me meet with him everyday.

Thank God, my spiritual journey eventually intersected more mature understandings of grace and relationship with God and I began to be motivated to spend time with God in solitary prayer and quiet meditation because I wanted to know him and desired that he change me from the inside out. For over ten years now, I have found time alone with God to be a treat and something I look forward to each morning. It is from this segment of my day that all good things in me and all valuable work with others have sprung. Henri Nouwen describes well the benefits of this commitment to solitude with God:

“We enter into solitude first of all to meet our Lord and to be with him alone. Our primary task in solitude, therefore, is not to pay undue attention to the many faces which assail us, but to keep the eyes of our mind and heart on him who is our divine savior. Only in the context of grace can we face our sin; only in the place of healing do we dare show our wounds; only with a single-minded attention to Christ, can we give up our clinging fears and face our own true nature. As we come to realize that it is not we who live, but Christ who lives in us, that he is our true self, we can slowly let our compulsions melt away and begin to experience the freedom of the children of God. And then we can look back with a smile and realize that we aren’t even angry or greedy any more.

“What does all this mean for us in our daily life? Even when we are not called to the monastic life, or do not have the physical constitution to survive the rigors of the desert, we are still responsible for our own solitude. Precisely because our secular milieu offers us so few spiritual disciplines, we have to develop our own. We have, indeed, to fashion our own desert where we can withdraw everyday, shake off our compulsions, and dwell in the gentle healing presence of our Lord. Without such a desert, we will lose our own soul while preaching the gospel to others. But with such a spiritual abode, we will become increasingly conformed to him in whose Name we minister.”
(Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart, p. 17)

Blessings on your journey with God.

“Please make yourself at home in this meditative and reflective gathering. Worship begins as you enter the room and embrace a sense of exterior silence and inner stillness. Together we accept the gift of God’s presence and welcome him into our gathering. Those new to shared silence may find it disturbing at first and roving thoughts may prove to be bothersome. Our practice is not to worry about such distractions but, in faith, to repeatedly return to the still center of our being where God makes his home. Some of us find it helpful to choose a sacred word such as “Jesus”, “God”, or “love” to use as a compass to redirect us when tempted to attach to passing thoughts, feelings, or images. In quiet, we listen and give our consent for God to do his work in our lives. Our primary purpose is to love him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. In this sacred hour we have no desire to break the silence but long to be aware of the power, the unity, the grace, and the truth in our gathering. Welcome to Sanctum.” (“Welcome to Sanctum” card)

It is a typical Saturday night, and the contemporary worship services at LifeBridge Christian Church have just concluded. The last of the chatting crowd lingers in the foyer before going home or out to eat. A small, but committed crew of staff and volunteers move quietly but intentionally to convert the industrial-looking fellowship hall into a monastic-feeling meeting place. Tables, chairs, and walls are methodically moved to create the open space needed to host the “quiet service” as it has come to be known locally. Officially, this is Sanctum: A Contemplative Gathering, where worshippers of all ages are invited to listen to the voice of God through Scripture, Spirit and silence. As candles are lit and melodic drone of Gregorian chant begins to waft through the room, even the setup time for Sanctum presents an occasion for meditation and spiritual fellowship. A youngish couple and their two pre-teen boys reverently roll out a large canvas labyrinth, a pre-Christian tool adopted by the medieval Church for walking meditation and prayer. Spiritual pilgrimage is one of many metaphors of the labyrinth and Sanctum is just one of a thousand Christian gatherings in America that currently make use of this mystical symbol of the journey to God. A smattering of other volunteers quietly shuffle around the cavernous room, whispering greetings, exchanging hugs and giving directions to newcomers who have shown up to help prepare this place for a low lit sacred encounter. Interactive worship stations are carefully arranged where handfuls of pray-ers will soon paint and write, read and reflect, walk and pray, or share in the Lord’s Supper as part of their God-listening experience. Others will simply find their quiet chair or pillow and settle in for an extended period of centering (also called abiding) prayer in the Presence of God and fellow Christ-followers.

In this place a meeting for worship is about to occur that, while outside the comfort zone and interest level of many church members, is embraced by the ministerial staff and eldership of LifeBridge for the balance it brings to our congregation. In a time when we are culturally driven to more, faster and louder, even with the way we do church, it is comforting to know that, should he or she need it, there is a place where any given Saturday night one can show up, slow down, take a deep breath, and sit with God. Along with the Psalmist, we declare, “For God alone my soul waits in silence.” (Psalm 62:1 NASB) Creating space for the seeds of contemplative prayer to take root and grow, even if only in the lives of a few, has been an important part of the church’s mission since the early church fathers first established a community of holy reflection in the desert. Today’s church also hungers for more of this quiet form of worship that bears its best and lasting spiritual fruit in daily living. Slowly but surely, by the handfuls and the dozens, members of our Coloradan community and church are discovering the value of this designated place and time of serenity to share with God and like-minded others. Sanctum, while perceived as many things by those yet to experience it firsthand is, first and foremost, simply a place of prayer.

By 7:00 p.m., the fellowship hall transformation is complete and people are beginning to trickle into the inviting, darkened hall to take their seat. Some walk over to the book table to grab a book which will serve as their literary inspiration for the evening. Others immediately sit down at the art table and begin to wash their watercolor prayers onto paper. A few first-time visitors look uncertain at the prospect of being surprised, but others appear as comfortable as they have ever been in their lives. At 7:15, the facilitator stands at some random place in the room and begins to read the litany that also serves as a liturgy for Sanctum: “We welcome the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit into our gathering. (Selah) Our intention is to open ourselves more fully to loving God and to be more aware of His constant presence in our lives. (Selah) Our goal is to listen to the voice of God in Scripture, Spirit, and silence. (Selah) Let us enter into this hour of silent prayer in pure faith and precious hope that God will do His work in our midst...Blessings on your journey to God.” A few brief instructions and a passage of Scripture are read to “set our (your) hearts on things above.” (Colossian 3:1 NIV). We are informed that while an “Amen” will be said in one hour, we should feel free to leave early or linger longer as desired. Over the next 50 minutes or so, there is an interesting unscripted flow to the room as people travel sparingly from station to station or simply relocate to another seat. Some friends and family sit close to one another holding hands as they worship. Others are grateful for the opportunity to be in fellowship while having ample personal space. Unlike some formal gatherings, at Sanctum it is considered customary to see people move around the room at will, all the while observing the values of hushed reflection. At a glance, it is obvious that silence is the standard for Sanctum as is a shared admiration for God, the community of Christ-believers and the God-listening experience.

Ten minutes or so into the service, the labyrinth begins to see activity. One by one, shoeless pray-ers reverently enter the maze-like circle that has one path in and the same path out. Borrowed from medieval culture during the crusades when pilgrimages to Jerusalem became impractical, the labyrinth became a valuable part of church tradition by providing a means of recommitting to spiritual journey without having to travel. Modern labyrinth walkers take a burden, concern, gift, or person into the center to release to God. Pausing for prayer along the way and in the middle, we lift our hearts, souls, and minds to God to receive grace, clarity, direction, or healing and return to the world renewed. While the experience of those who choose to pray or meditate in this ancient fashion is often quite subtle it is not unusual for one to receive a sense of clarity about the question he or she brought into the labyrinth. Occasionally, someone will testify to a profound experience that brought them to tears or a sense of elation but we have found, however, that it is best not to expect “something to happen”. Rather, we seek to utilize simply the opportunity to express our love for God and commune with him.

On the book table is a community journal that lies open for anyone who wishes to write whatever prayers, thought or feelings are on their hearts. Each week a handful of people document the grace of God flowing through their lives, giving hints through their poetry and prose how God is touching and speaking to them. As the attendance and offering numbers for Sanctum are always small, compared to those of the auditorium services, these anonymous journal entries are one of the few concrete signposts to which we can point and say each week that God is at work in our humble midst. Let us continue to seek him in the sanctuary of our hearts in this world and in the one to come.


“Weary from the weight of doing it alone – freedom and light in your strength.”

“It seems like even when it comes to slowing down and resting I am in a hurry…I want to be settled…I want to breathe…I want to be comfortable in my own skin…I want to be. Where can I find this rest I seek? I need a shepherd who will lead me to quiet waters.”

“On this journey with all its bumps and turns You, Lord, are with me. I have left behind my burdens. You, O Lord, are with me. In your divine love I shall move forward into a world of love and acceptance. Thank you, God, for all the joy, wonder, and abundance that surrounds me. The love that coats me with all your blessings.”

“As I walk my feet kick up dust in Israel, in Zion is heard the echo of my steps. For nigh a thousand years we have done this dance, yet it is but a type of the Dance performed of old. This turning, this practice of turning, together may we ever be turned, and called to turn by you, Spirit. And may we find this turning so embedded in our being that all our steps are thus ordered. On city streets, in crowded halls of schools, in lonely homes, on highways and byways we pass each other, we return and pass again. May our eyes be opened to the journey; may our footsteps be directed toward Zion. You, great Turn, you Hinge of history, may we make straight the way upon which you come into our hearts, and into our world. Amen.”

“I seek your face, O God; make my mind full of you. Remove me from the desolate valley of self and fill me with a new awareness of Spirit. Let me walk in the Light as you are in the Light. All I am is from you. I desire to know this.”

Sanctum: A Contemplative Gathering meets every Saturday night at 7:15 p.m. on the Longmont CO campus of LifeBridge Christian Church. No childcare is provided but children 10 years and older are welcome to attend with parental supervision. For more information, call (303)776-2927 (ex.268) or e-mail dgilliam@lbcc.org.

“The next morning as they passed by the fig tree he had cursed, the disciples noticed it was withered from the roots. Peter remembered what Jesus had said to the tree on the previous day and exclaimed, ‘Look, Teacher! The fig tree you cursed has withered’. Then Jesus said to the disciples, ‘Have faith in God. I assure you that you can say to this mountain, ‘May God lift you up and throw you into the sea’, and your command will be obeyed. All that's required is that you really believe and do not doubt in your heart. Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.’ “(Mark 11-20:25 NLT)

I remember first testing out Christ’s prayer of faith sometime around the 6th grade when I was coming into a personal desire to follow and be like him. I don’t think I prayed for God to do anything as significant as move a mountain or kill one of my sisters, but he certainly didn’t grant my request for a simple sign such as an audible voice from heaven or a glimpse of his head peeking through the clouds. I would have settled for a sudden appearance by the ice cream man. However, no amount of child-like faith I could muster would move the hand of God in these directions. Maybe it was because I asked for something too big or not big enough. Maybe I didn’t have enough faith or the right kind. I don’t know. One thing I do know: I have had varying degrees of disappointment in God over the years for not answering prayers that I have prayed with whole-hearted belief, confident that he could do what I asked of him if he wanted to.

I doubt I could find a Christian anywhere who has not been disappointed by such an experience with this prayer? Fact is, too many among us have lost our sense of value in any sort of prayer due to our disappointment with this kind. Many of us don’t pray at all beyond the verbal offerings made in front of others at mealtime or in opening or closing religious gatherings. This is true in part because some of us have been made to feel stupid when our lack of faith left us unhealed of a particular illness or difficulty. And we don’t even want to talk about the feelings of guilt that we have had when our lack of faith (we thought) was the reason God didn’t answer our requests made on behalf of others. If God doesn’t do what he says he will do then what’s the point of asking him? If I don’t have enough faith to get him to respond to my prayers then forget about it!

Now that I have grown into someone who from time to time resembles a mature believer, I am inclined to look for other, more kingdom-friendly, levels of understanding around Christ’s teaching. Believe me, I would still prefer to take this teaching on prayer literally and get whatever I ask in his name, but I’ve tried it one too many times to go there again. This doesn’t mean I don’t pray, I actually pray now more than ever. Nor does it mean I don’t have faith. It’s just that I now believe in God to answer my prayers as he wants to, not as I wish he would. Praying for God’s will (not wishing for mine), I no longer expect him to answer my prayers in a particular or specific way. God after all sees and knows what is best in all situations and is most likely to arrange and rearrange circumstances as he sees fit for the betterment of all concerned. This teaching by Jesus on prayer seems to have more to say to us than simply getting what we want because our faith is strong enough. I see at least three levels of truth that this teaching might really be about:

1. Fatality - Sometimes things need to die in order for life to be appreciated or for growth to occur. Jesus cursed the fig tree because it wasn’t doing what it was designed to do. The Gardner is in the business of pruning our selfish ways in order to allow us to bear more fruit and, in time, to be more of what we were intended to be. Though the process may be painful, it is for our own good as well as the good of the kingdom of heaven. We can “have faith in God” that Christ, through his Holy Spirit, knows what he is doing and that he is helping us along the much misunderstood path of dying to self. Centering (also called abiding) prayer is one specific way that God can rid and remove things in us that are not helpful or necessary to life or ministry to others. Contemplative prayer, as taught and modeled by medieval Christian mystics St. John of the Cross, the anonymous author of The Cloud of Unknowing and St.Theresa of Avila, and more modern monastics Thomas Merton and Thomas Keating, allows God access into deeper levels of our self. Here, with our simple consent of stillness and silence we trust God with the sin, scars, and emotional wounding not easily touched in more intellectual pursuits of prayer and healing.

2. Faith - Perhaps the things we should pray for in faith are the mountains of things in us that need moved or removed. I can say with certainty that I have never asked God to change something in me when he didn’t (in his perfect timing) put a person or a solution in my path that would help to serve as an answer to that prayer. The Serenity Prayer, widely used in 12-Step fellowships, says “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It is typically understood in this prayer that the only thing we can expect God to change is us and he does this in part by granting us the courage to do what work we need to do in cooperation with him. Wisdom comes from discovering through trial and error what God chooses to remove from us and that which he allows to remain as a “thorn in the flesh” to keep us reliant on him and make us most useful in ministering to others. Here we learn that God ministers best through our brokenness, not our giftedness. “For when I am weak, then I am strong” (II Cor. 12:10)

3. Forgiveness - An inability or unwillingness to forgive others will have the tendency to block the effectiveness of our prayers. One unheralded benefit of prayer is that it helps us to stay tuned into the truth about ourselves. If we are seeking God’s input into our lives by making ourselves readily available to him in prayer, we will not lose sight of the fact that we are sinners forgiven by his grace. Too often we find ourselves feeling distant from God only because we have not taken the steps necessary to forgive or to ask forgiveness from someone with whom our relationship is strained. In Matthew 5:23, 24, Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” It is a spiritual principle that our channels with God can only be as open as our channels with our fellow man. And vise versa.

Learn to pray with confidence that God will answer your prayers as he desires and you will become more of what he wants you to be. “All that's required is that you really believe and do not doubt in your heart.”

Many church staff and volunteers find themselves in the position of being the first to come into contact with spiritual seekers whose stories include alcohol and/or drug abuse. Having much experience on both sides of this scenario, as an alcoholic/addict and as a professional minister, I would like to take the opportunity to share some first hand experience and wisdom about counseling the alcohol/drug influenced seeker.

1. If a person comes across your path because of a problem with finances, work, marriage difficulties, health issues, etc. and they mention drug or alcohol abuse (you may want to get in the habit of asking about this) you can automatically assume that this is the primary issue to be dealt with. Chances are once he or she notices you pressing into this topic they will begin to back pedal or minimize the issue. Regardless, if you choose to focus on any issue other than this one you will find yourself addressing the symptom rather than the greater problem.

2. Once you become aware that drug and/or alcohol abuse is a part of their story, take a couple of steps back in terms of your expectation that you will be able to provide any immediate solution. While you may offer to refer this person to someone more suited to handle his or her situation (such as a person active in 12-Step recovery or a professional counselor) chances are good he or she will not be willing to immediately take the drastic steps necessary to make major changes in their lives. There is no quick fix for a problem like this.

3. Keep in mind that this person has not gotten into this troubled condition overnight so you will not be in a position to help him or her out of it in an hour. Most likely you are the most recent in a long line of people who have been contacted for help and they have been offered opportunities before to make better choices for themselves. Trust God and pray that this person will be given the willingness to take steps toward his or her recovery, but let go of any expectation of how or when it will happen. This person will need to seek God and be willing to follow directions, no matter how challenging, before they can get better.

4. Know that the alcohol/drug influenced seeker you are dealing with likely has a long history of not being honest with themselves or others. Expect that they will only tell you a percentage of the truth about their situation. They may outright lie to you and convince themselves they are telling the truth. Manipulation is standard fare for alcoholics and addicts, even if they do not know this about themselves. One advantage you have in referring this person to someone who has been in their shoes is that they will not easily con or manipulate them.

5. If someone admits to a drug or alcohol problem you can safely assume there are other troublesome matters in their home including domestic violence, financial difficulties, relationship troubles, legal issues (DUI, shoplifting, assault, etc.), sexual abuse, health problems, etc. The typical lay counselor or minister is not trained to deal with matters as weighty as these. While a short session of prayer can be valuable and comforting the first contact with a drug/alcohol influenced seeker will do him or herself a favor by referring this person as soon as possible.

If there is any way that I can assist you with regards to aiding alcohol and/or drug abusers in their journey toward recovery and wholeness please let me know. In many respects, they are the ones that Christ, The Great Shepherd, would leave the ninety-nine to find, love and heal.

“Then Jesus went from village to village, teaching the people. And he called his twelve disciples together and began sending them out two by two, giving them authority to cast out evil spirits. He told them to take nothing for their journey except a walking stick – no food, no traveler’s bag, no money. He allowed them to wear sandals but not to take a change of clothes.
‘Wherever you go, ‘he said, ‘stay in the same house until you leave town. But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.’
So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God. And they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil.” (Mark 6:6b-13 NLT)

A friend of mine asked of me recently the rhetorical question, “What are the basics of my faith?” to which I quickly replied “Seek God”. While I was initially satisfied with my answer, confident that I had not been glib or condescending, I realized that there would be more to my answer the next time someone asked me that question. Then this morning in my time alone with God, I opened the Scriptures to the sixth chapter of Mark and read the passage above. This text, I believe, summarizes the basic Gospel message that Christ taught his disciples to carry, live and pass on to others. That message, those basics, includes the following principles:

1. The spiritual life is a journey (it includes walking).
2. Be God-dependant, not self-reliant (with regards to possessions, its better to travel light).
3. Make time to share your journey with others (allow others to help you).
4. Allow others their beliefs, even if you think yours are better (but its okay not to hang out with them).
5. Repent of your sins (literally turn away).
6. Turn to God (continually seek him).
7. Spiritual power comes from repenting of sin and turning to God (not from believing correct doctrine).
8. Ministry to others flows from your own relationship with God (we can only give away the level of spiritual connectedness we authentically live).

In my own spiritual passage, I have made the mistake in the past of jumping directly from being God-dependant to attempting to help and heal others. In the rooms of 12-Step fellowships this is referred to as “two-stepping”, the process by which one admits his or her powerlessness over our sin (dependencies) and immediately seeks to carry this message to others. As Christ shows us in his pre-Pentecost version of the Gospel, in order to have an effective life and ministry to others, we must first of all clean house of the things which block us from the sunlight of the Spirit. This requires self-examination and confession of sin, which as the apostle James verified in his letter to the church (5:16) must include other people. “…confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”. Upon being freed from the chains of secretive (albeit garden-variety) sin, God’s power is then allowed to flow through us unencumbered and ultimately touches the lives of those whose journey intersects ours.

If you find yourself lacking spiritual power in your life or ministry, keep it simple, get back to the basics. Follow the gospel of Christ.

" 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' (Isaiah 30:15) I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft...." " Let us resist the devil in this by avoiding noise as much as we can, purposefully seeking to spend time alone, facing ourselves in the Word...Satan is aware of where we find our strength. May he not rob us!"
- From the journals of Jim Elliott (martyred missionary to the Auca Indians about whom the movie End of the Spear was made)

Someone asked me today if I did anything exciting for the 4th of July to which I heard myself respond, “Not really. I try to avoid excitement.” While a comment like this one may give the impression that I lead a boring life (does anyone really care?), it is true that I no longer seek out opportunities to get or be excited. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy entertainment probably as much as the average American, but in recent years I have come to prefer more quiet forms of recreation and amusement. It has been quite a while since I wanted to see any kind of action movie, primarily because the audio and visual stimuli (read sex and violence) are just too much for me to enjoy. Instead of going to see the new Superman or Mission Impossible 3 this summer, I’m looking forward to seeing A Prairie Home Companion and playing more golf. Last night, rather than wading into a crowd to attend a concert or watch fireworks, I grilled Hebrew Nationals at home with my wife, Lynn, and played with our new kitten, Jackson (after Pollock).

Admittedly, some of my bent toward the silent and soulful may be a consequence of drawing near 50 years of age. While in the 70’s I wholeheartedly sang along with Roger Daltrey and The Who, “I hope I die before I get old”, by the grace of God I missed that window and am now deeply enmeshed in the process of enjoying adulthood. It is more likely, however, that my penchant for all things quiet has come from having had a spiritual awakening and the ensuing hours, days, and years spent searching for God in Scripture, prayer and meditation. A contemplative way of life has enveloped me and, albeit in a Cloud of Unknowing, I daily seek God for what he wants for me to which he seems to direct me toward that quiet confidence of which Isaiah spoke.

It bothers me to hear some Christians speak their perception of Satan’s work, often in the context of their path being altered in some way from what they have convinced themselves God would want for them. Is it not possible that in the closing of certain doors God is trying to teach and lead through life’s circumstances? Why is it always “God’s blessing” when things go according to our plans and “Satan’s attacks” when they don’t? I line up with the late Jim Elliott in believing that Satan’s primary point of influence is in creating distraction from the things and voice of God by way of noise, hurry, and crowds. I see this all too often in the lives of believers who tell me they are too busy to make a few minutes each day to pray and listen to the voice of God in Scripture, Spirit and silence. We all know there is no shortage of activity, noise, talking, and busyness in the world, the church and the lives of Christ-followers. Who among us will step up, courageously follow the old ways and earnestly join the new trend of listening for the sound of strength in the still small voice of God? I for one am all in, even if it makes my life appear boring. (Who cares anyway?)

To reiterate Jim Elliott’s point, " Let us resist the devil in this by avoiding noise as much as we can, purposefully seeking to spend time alone, facing ourselves in the Word...”

“Of course God does not need prayer from us sinners, but in His love for us he likes to see us pray. Not only is the highest form of prayer, which the Holy Spirit initiates and arouses in us, pleasing to Him – a prayer which He commands us to carry out in His words ‘Abide in me and I in you’; but even small acts done in His name are pleasing in His sight – every thought and intention directed to His glory and our salvation. And in His boundless mercy God richly rewards us for all this. God, in His love, rewards man a thousand times more than his actions deserve. If you will give God a mite, then He will give you a gold piece. If you will only decide to go to your Father, He will come to meet you. When you feebly say, ‘Lord, receive me and have mercy on me!’ He embraces you and kisses you. This is the kind of love that the heavenly Father has for us unworthy children.” (ed) Helen Bacovcin, The Pilgrim Continues His Way, p. 105

Is there anything God wants more than for us to pray? We were created in his image so that he could take long garden walks with us in the cool of the evening. Surely, God takes joy in the times when we stop our busy, hectic lives in order to spend a few moments with him. Yeah, God is with us always and yeah, our lives and work are prayers too, but is there any replacement for the intimacy that occurs when two friends spend a few moments simply enjoying each other’s company? God wants this too, but not only for his sake. He wants us to experience a taste of the grand and indefinable love he has for us, and this happens most readily in times of heart-to-heart praying with God.

When we stop to spend time alone with God in prayer we are saying both, “God, love me” and “God, I love you”. Prayer is love to God. If you are lacking in the sense that God loves you…pray. If you are unsure how to express your love for God…pray. Don’t worry about the words. God speaks the language of the heart and his Spirit can speak on your behalf (Romans 8:26). Simply stop, enter the quiet with an intention of communing with God, give your consent for him to have his way with you and let the Spirit go to work. This, according to centuries of dedicated pray-ers is a pure form of prayer that not only makes us aware of our nearness to God but grows our faith as we reach out to him without consolation. Prayer is God’s love language. Love God. Pray.

" By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world's corruption caused by human desires." (II Peter 1:3,4)


According to the apostle Peter, we, by coming to know God, have all we need to live godly lives in this world. There is nothing lacking in our ability to live as God wants us to because we know him. Because we know him, we have the capacity to share in his divine nature and to be like him. Our knowledge of God gives us the option of escaping the corruption of the world that is the result of humans striving after what they want instead of what God wants. There is much to be gained from knowing God.

The question of the hour is, "Do you know God?" "Are you experiencing the fruit of godly behavior and the power to swim against the grain of worldly currents fueled by selfish pursuits?" "Were you aware that you share a divine nature with your Creator?" "Do you see glimpses of his love, light, will and work shining forth from you on a regular basis?"

The Christ-followers I know who would answer "Yes" to any of these questions are sadly few and far between. The people who would answer "No" to any or all of these questions would say the reason is because they do not know how to go about knowing God? Many don't even realize that knowing God is a viable option available to all who would seek him. How could we not feel this way when, according to our tainted perspective, God is "out there" living in some far away castle in the clouds, while we are down here stuck in the traffic of real life; waiting for the light to change, the water to boil and the kids to go to bed?

Regardless of how we may feel, truth is, God is closer to us than our own beating hearts. He patiently waits for us to make a move, a nod or a gesture of consent in his direction so that he can flood us with awareness of the love we seek and the wholeness for which we long. We can indeed know God, in spite of his invisible qualities and his otherworldly reputation, but as with any other being with whom we would become aquainted or intimate, it takes time and effort on both our parts. All we need do is to engage God any way we can with whatever amount of energy and enthusiasm we can muster. We will soon find that he is already there, waiting since the beginning of time for us to open ourselves fully to him and all that he is.

Concentrated efforts at prayer and meditation, with others in addition to persistent alone time with God, are the surest ways of getting to know God. Making the time to sit in quiet, holy expectation, we step from the train of perpetual activity and grant God the opportuntiy to make us aware of his presence, love and work in our lives. As Thomas Keating says, "God does the heavy lifting" and all we need concern ourselves with is the continued practice of showing up and slowing down. In time, we begin to notice that God is actually "in here" not "out there" and that knowing him is not too difficult at all; he reveals himself to us in the ordinary and the extraordinary, through Scripture and the Spirit, the song and the silence, the bird as well and the baptism. As Peter wrote, the benefits of knowing God are extensive and as many dedicated souls have discovered through the centuries, the means to knowing him are ample.

"First of all, seek the kingdom of God, because what you need for this life and the one to come has already been granted to you." (Matthew 6:33 paraphrased)

“Now I say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.” (Matthew 16:18 NLT)

“In order to respond to the invitation of the gospel, we need to go beyond the behavior that may be held in honor or demanded by the particular group to which we belong…We have the freedom to remain within our tradition or institution, while at the same time working for its renewal. We do what we can to improve family, church, or social situations without demanding results or expecting to see the fruits of our labors. The Spirit gives us courage to make our personal response to Christ, rather than one that is based on what others say, do, or expect.” (Thomas Keating, Invitation to Love, p. 107)

Most of us have grown up with a very particular idea of what church ought to look, sound, feel and taste like. We like to think that most of how we do church (in the Independent Christian Church) comes from Scripture. And while much of it does, some of it is post-Reformation tradition that has been passed down to us by generations gone by who developed ideas for how to practically and comfortably express some of the spiritual themes found in the New Testament. Those of us who for one reason or another have stepped out of church-going mode for a season or two can see it most clearly: not everything we do in the name of church or Christ is really prescribed in the Bible. To be fair, much of how we do church works for us and allows us to love God and minister to one-another in large groups. However, some of what we do is due for an upgrade. For instance, making disciples was a primary theme of Christ’s life and teaching as was the priority of prayer and time alone with God. The first century church shared everything they had with each other even selling their property and possessions to give money to the poor. The first Christians, as reported in Acts 2:42 worshiped together at the temple every day, shared the Lord’s Supper in their homes and lived counter to the Roman culture as opposed to blending in with it. While it may be a currently unpopular and inconvenient task, if we are to be true to Scripture, the work before some of us is to speak up and ask hard questions about how we function and minister as the Body of Christ. Here we find the balance between leaning into the power of God and playing the role we believe we have been given as leaders in his Body.

It was the desire to take on this balancing act, that after a 17 year hiatus from church staff work, I went looking for an opportunity to share what God has shown me about spiritual growth with a local congregation of Christ’s people. Like millions of Christ-followers before and after me, I believe in the church. I believe that all of what has happened to save, preserve, enrich, enlighten and encourage me in my lifetime, and in the lifetimes of others who have trudged the path of faith and found it leading upward, has happened under the shelter (though not always inside the walls) of the church. I believe that the church is a living, breathing organism that is designed to ebb and flow, to grow and change, to honor God and nurture people and to be a beacon of light in a dark and discouraged, albeit beautiful and becoming world. And most importantly, I believe that Christ is the Head of it all, directing, guiding, loving and molding it as he sees fit in his time with his resources. As he told his disciple Peter, Jesus is building this church and there is no power of good or evil that will stand in the way of his accomplishing his purposes in her.

Though her leaders (like me) may, from time-to-time, suffer from the delusion that we are determining what will happen, when and how, truth is we haven’t a clue what we can do to direct the flow of the Spirit. We can only hope down to the holes in our socks and the hollows of our souls that Christ will override our plans and dreams to ultimately have his way and do his will, even through our feeble yet bold attempts to be faithful to him and to program our ministries accordingly. As we place ourselves in his hands and at his mercy, the Spirit of Christ leads us into doing the work he would have us to do and the church, one member at a time, one minister at a time, is changed according to his plans, not ours. God help us as we work from the inside out to accomplish his purposes even when it is inconvenient and uncomfortable to ask why we do certain things and how can we do them better.

"So if someone tells you, ‘Look, the Messiah is out in the desert,’ don't bother to go and look. Or, ‘Look, he is hiding here,’ don't believe it! For as the lightning lights up the entire sky, so it will be when the Son of Man comes.”
(Matthew 24: 26, 27 NLT)


“ Christ, Who will come unexpectedly at the end of time – and no one can guess the moment of His coming – comes also to those who are His own at every moment of time, and they cannot see or guess His coming. Yet where He is, there they are. Like eagles, they gather by instinct, not knowing how, and they find Him at every moment.

“Just as there is no way of saying with certainty where and when He will appear at the end of the world, so too there is no way of saying with certainty where and when He will manifest Himself to contemplative souls.

“There are many who have sought Him in the desert and have not found Him there and there are many who have hidden themselves with Him in reclusion and he has refused Himself to them. To catch Him is as easy as catching lightning. And like lightning, He strikes where he pleases….

“ As soon as a man is fully disposed to be alone with God, he is alone with God no matter where he may be – in the country, the monastery, the woods or the city. The lightning flashes from east to west, illuminating the whole horizon and striking where it pleases and at the same instant the infinite liberty of God in the depths of that man’s soul, and he is illumined. At that moment he sees that though he seems to be in the middle of his journey, he has already arrived at the end. For the life of grace on earth is the beginning of the life of glory. Although he is a traveler in time, he has opened his eyes, for a moment, in eternity.”

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, pp 94-96


I am grateful to contemplatives such as Thomas Merton who spent his life in love, prayer, and service to our Lord Jesus Christ and who continues to minister to His church through his writings. While there seems to be much misunderstanding and dread among Christians these days regarding the nature of contemplative prayer, let it be known that there is nothing to fear from opening ourselves more fully to the love of God and the work of His Holy Spirit. There is much to be gained, however, including an increased awareness of God's presence and action in our lives and the world around us. To His glory, Christ is showing up regularly,if not surprisingly, in places he has long been overlooked including the hearts and desires of His people. Let our faith in Him be known by our actions of prayer and meditation. Let us make the effort and take the time to be intentionally still and allow Christ to reveal Himself to us. This is our best chance to embrace the present and to glimpse the eternal.

In The Way Of A Pilgrim, a journal by an unknown nineteenth-century Russian peasant, the author tells of how he discovered the solution to his constant wrestling with the problem of “how to pray without ceasing”. The spiritual father who would teach him in this nonstop way of seeking the Lord said, “The ceaseless Jesus Prayer is a continuous, uninterrupted call on the holy name of Jesus Christ with the lips, mind, and heart; and in the awareness of His abiding presence it is a plea for His blessing in all undertakings, in all places, at all times, even in sleep. The words of the Prayer are: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!’ Anyone who becomes accustomed to this Prayer will experience great comfort as well as the need to say it continuously. He will become accustomed to it to such a degree that he will not be able to do without it and eventually the Prayer will of itself flow in him.” (p.18)

Having grown up in a church that shrinks away from liturgy and repetitive prayers (I had to join a 12-Step fellowship to learn the Lord’s Prayer) I understand the difficulties that some of us will have with the idea of repeating the Jesus Prayer, even if we are hungry for more of an intimate relationship with God. In my spiritual journey, which has taken many unforeseen twist, turns, and even crashes, I had been forced to let go of the notion that everything related to the process of growing in God has to be understood from a rational and critical perspective. Truth is, while my mind is a gift from God and a fantastic tool by which he communicates with and through me, it is not the only vessel by which I relate to the Infinite and Almighty. The Spirit also teaches directly into my heart and my soul, though opening myself to this process requires discipline, practice and ofttimes silence.

If you happen to be one of the many who has tried out all that the church has to teach and have even practiced some of it with earnest enthusiasm, but you still find yourself feeling distant from God and barren in your soul, then the Jesus Prayer might just be for you. Ignore the thoughts you may have that say this prayer is too simple to be of value. Forget the idea that you have to completely understand how God speaks to you and works in your life. Let go of the notion that unless it sounds sensible according to your religious upbringing then it is not a godly practice. Throw yourself into saying this prayer as often as you can. Repeating the name of Christ over and over and over during your day can do nothing but bring you peace, give you guidance and stir your heart toward love and service of your fellow man. "Call upon the name of the Lord." Maybe he meant for us to take this literally.

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’” (Luke 18:13 NIV)

What 147 Elk Taught Me About Prayer

by Philip Yancey | posted 03/01/2006 09:00 a.m.

Christianity Today, March 2006


The author Brennan Manning, who leads spiritual retreats several times each year, once told me that not a single person who has followed his regimen for a silent retreat has failed to hear from God. Intrigued and a bit skeptical, I signed up for one of his retreats, this one extending over five days. Every attendee met for an hour each day with Brennan, who would give us assignments in meditation and spiritual work. We also met together for daily worship, during which time only Brennan talked. Beyond this, we were free to spend our time as we wished, with only one requirement: two hours of prayer per day.

I doubt I had devoted more than 30 minutes to prayer at any one session in my life. The first day I wandered to the edge of a meadow and sat down with my back against a tree. I had brought along Brennan's assignment for the day and a notebook in which to record my thoughts. How long will I stay awake? I wondered.

To my great fortune, a herd of 147 elk (I had plenty of time to count them) wandered into the very field where I was sitting. To see one elk is exciting; to watch 147 elk in their natural habitat is enthralling. But I soon learned that to watch 147 elk for two hours is, to put it mildly, boring. They lowered their heads and chewed grass. They raised their heads in unison and looked at a raspy crow. They lowered their heads again and chewed grass. For two hours, nothing else happened. No mountain lions attacked; no bulls charged each other. All the elk bent over and chewed grass.

After a while, the very placidity of the scene began to affect me. The elk had not noticed my presence, and I simply melded into their environment, taking on their rhythms. I no longer thought about the work I had left at home, the deadlines facing me, the reading that Brennan had assigned. My body relaxed. In the leaden silence, my mind fell quiet.

"The quieter the mind," wrote Meister Eckhart, "the more powerful, the worthier, the deeper, the more telling and more perfect the prayer is."
An elk does not have to work at having a quiet mind; it feels content standing in a field all day with its fellow elk, chewing grass. A lover does not have to work at attending to the beloved. I prayed for, and in a fleeting moment received, that kind of absorbed attention to God.

I never saw the elk again, even though every afternoon I searched the fields and forest for them. During the next few days, I said many words to God and also sat silent in his presence. I made lists, and many things came to mind that would not have come to mind had I not been sitting in a field for hours at a time. The week became a kind of spiritual checkup that pointed out paths for further growth. I
heard no audible voice, yet at the end of the week I had to agree with Brennan: I had heard from God.

I've become more convinced than ever that God finds ways to communicate with those who truly seek him, especially when we lower the volume of the surrounding static. I remember reading the account of a spiritual seeker who interrupted a busy life to spend a few days in a monastery. "I hope your stay is a blessed one," said the monk who showed the visitor to his cell. "If you need anything, let us know, and we'll teach you how to live without it."

We learn to pray by praying, and two concentrated hours a day taught me much. To begin, I need to think more about God than about myself when I am praying. Even the Lord's Prayer centers first on what God wants from us. "Hallowed be your name, your
kingdom come, your will be done". God wants us to desire these things, to orient our lives around them.

How often do I come to God not with consumer requests, but simply with a desire to spend time with him, to discern what he wants from me and not vice versa? When I did that in the elk meadow, I mysteriously found that the answer to my prayers for guidance was around me all along. Nothing changed but my receptors; through prayer, I opened them to God. "For all things sing you," wrote the poet Rilke, "at times we just hear them more clearly."

Some have called meditative prayer a useless act, because we do it not for the sake of getting something, but spontaneously, as uselessly as a child at play. After an extended time with God, my urgent requests, which had seemed so significant, took on a new light. I began to ask for them for God's sake, not my own. Though my needs may drive me to prayer, it is there I come face to face with my greatest need: an encounter with God himself.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ..."
(Colossians 2, 3 NIV)


"Centering Prayer is not about accessing sublime states of consciousness or having mystical experiences. The fruits of this prayer are first seen in daily life. They express themselves in your ability to be a bit more present in your life, more flexible and forgiving with those you live and work with, more honest and comfortable in your being. These are the real signs that the inner depths have been touched and have begun to set in motion their transformative work"

Cynthia Bourgeault, Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening (Cambridge: Cowley Publications, 2004) p. 30


It is surprising to me how many Christians I meet who are afraid of any form of prayer that differs from the one kind they have known and practiced their entire lives, namely the vocally directed prayer. This form of prayer is typically led by one person who speaks to God on behalf of anyone within earshot, whether over a meal or during a church gathering of some sort. Obviously, there is nothing wrong or lacking about this type of prayer, but it can hardly be assumed that this is the only template for prayer as taught in Scripture. The New Testament contains many inferences to praying with our hearts, praying in secret and solitude, knowing in our spirits and listening to the voice of God. Christ, for example, says in John 10 that his sheep will know his voice and listen to him. Do we really believe this listening can only occur through the reading of Scripture or by someone talking to us about God?

Our communication and communion with God, as confirmed by miriads of believers over the centuries is not limited to speaking to him with our voices and understanding the Bible with our minds. The mystery of Christ that is the Gospel continues to be mysterious and we should not be surprised that it is available and accessible in ways that we may not be able to fully comprehend. Centering Prayer is one such method for placing ourselves in the Presence of God for him to work his will in us beyond our understanding or our ability to articulate what he is doing.

That said, Centering Prayer is not intended to invoke a mystical experience. Neither is it intended to replace all other forms of prayer. Rather, it is capable of putting other kinds of prayer in a new and fuller perspective. It is simply a form of prayer that enables us to get out of God's way so that he can change us. The delightful result of prayer such as this is a better ability to live under the tutelage and guidance of the Holy Spirit in daily life. Does anyone have too much of this? Is there anyone reading this who does not desire more communion with their Creator and Saviour? Could we not all stand a little more personal transformation?

As the angels said to the Bethlehem shepherds, "Fear not!" There is nothing to fear in a form of prayer that may be new to us or in a silent gathering with other Christ-followers. The worst that can happen is that we might be changed. The best that can happen is that we may grow in our communion and sense of intimacy with God.
The hardest part is devoting ourselves to prayer of any sort. Is there anything more important to God than us wanting to be with him?



" I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparable great power for us who believe. "

Ephesians 1;18, 19 NIV

For those of you who have listened to my music over the years I have a Christmas gift for you. Thanks to friend and gifted musician, Richard Swift (http://richardswift.us), I now have a cd of old songs that never made it on to any of my formal recordings. I am not yet in a position to make copies of this cd, entitled The Basement Tapes (1978-1990), but, for a limited time only, you can download these songs for free at my web site. Just click here:

http://www.dangilliam.net/music.html
Thanks for listening and Merry Christmas, Dinah.

Don't mean to brag, (yeah, right) but theooze.com, an emergent church
web site, has published a chapter from my upcoming book. You can read it
here.

http://www.theooze.com/articles/article.cfm?id=1276
If you have the time, maybe you can rate the article after you read it.

Love,

Dan

One of the many blessings of my visit to St. Benedict’s monastery in Snowmass, CO the week of Thanksgiving was in discovering a 30-year old prayer program that is going to significantly assist me in facilitating the inner life development part of my Soul Care charge at the LifeBridge Christian Church. In case this interests you, I have included below a Centering Prayer overview by Fr. Thomas Keating for your perusal. In his book on the contemplative dimension of the gospel entitled, "Open Mind, Open Heart", Fr. Thomas, who lives at the Snowmass monastery, describes a twice a day, 20-minute format for placing oneself in God’s presence for the purpose of growing in intimacy with Him. While I have been dabbling in contemplative prayer for around 10 years, this simple, yet structured approach gives me a much-desired framework for meditative prayer that is beneficial in solitude and in the company of other believers. I am in the process of networking with fellow seekers of Christ and silence in Longmont, Boulder and Denver about how to best implement this powerful tool for growing deep with God and building community.

Overview of Centering Prayer:

"Centering Prayer is a method of prayer, which prepares us to receive the gift of God's presence, traditionally called contemplative prayer. It consists of responding to the Spirit of Christ by consenting to God’s presence and action within. It furthers the development of contemplative prayer by quieting our faculties to cooperate with the gift of God’s presence.
Centering Prayer facilitates the movement from more active modes of prayer — verbal, mental or affective prayer — into a receptive prayer of resting in God. It emphasizes prayer as a personal relationship with God. At the same time, it is a discipline to foster and serve this relationship by a regular, daily practice of prayer. It is Trinitarian in its source, Christ-centered in its focus, and ecclesial in its effects; that is, it builds communities of faith.
Centering Prayer is drawn from ancient prayer practices of the Christian contemplative heritage, notably the Fathers and Mothers of the Desert, Lectio Divina, (praying the scriptures), The Cloud of Unknowing, St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila.. It was distilled into a simple method of prayer in the 1970’s by three Trappist monks, Fr. William Meninger, Fr. Basil Pennington and Abbot Thomas Keating at the Trappist Abbey, St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts."


"Christian Contemplative Prayer is the opening of mind and heart - our whole being - to God, the Ultimate Mystery, beyond thoughts, words and emotions, whom we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, thinking, feeling and choosing; even closer than consciousness itself. The root of all prayer is interior silence. Though we think of prayer as thoughts or feelings expressed in words, this is only one expression. Contemplative Prayer is a prayer of silence, an experience of God’s presence as the ground in which our being is rooted, the Source from whom our life emerges at every moment. For the Church's first sixteen centuries Contemplative Prayer was the goal of Christian spirituality. After the Reformation, this living tradition was virtually lost. Today, with cross-cultural dialogue and historical research, the recovery of the Christian contemplative heritage has begun. The method of Centering Prayer, in the tradition of Lectio Divina (praying the scriptures) is contributing to this renewal."

As you have been faithfully reading my chapters over the years, I thought you might be interested to know that Standard Publishing in Cinncinnati, OH is offering me a publishing contract for my book. My work of 35 chapters written about the many ways that I have experienced the presence and love of God has previously been titled, "Up To My Ass In Grace" and "Paths To God". The current and I think final title will be "God Touches: Finding Faith in the Cracks and Spaces of Life". It should be available in 2006 and you will be the first to hear about when, where and how you can get a copy. Thanks for the support you have given me simply by being available to read my stories. Your feedback has also been invaluable to me in being able to create a book from my ramblings. As the final manuscript is due Jan 1, I plan to take a personal retreat the week of Thanksgiving at St. Benedict's Monastery in Snowmass, CO (near Aspen) to spend some sequestered time with my book for final revisions. As you can imagine, I am excited and grateful to Standard for taking a chance on me. I'll stay in touch. Pass the peace.

I thought you might like to know that I have released a 10th anniversary version of my 1995 Farm Cafe cassette on cd. You can purchase it here:

http://cdbaby.com/cd/dangilliam5
If you are familiar with this album, I sure would appreciate you taking a minute to give it a review at the bottom of the web page.

Thanks for tuning in.

For what it's worth, since I do not currently have copies of my "Storms and Love" CD available to sell, I am offering the entire album at this web site for free download. Just go to the Sample My Music page and click on "Storms and Love". I hope you'll enjoy this 1990-91 recording featuring the guys from my sober band "Pacer" (named after a Kramer guitar not the bubble car) and good friend Craig Brammer. Many thanks to Jon Gillespie of Monastic Chambers studio in New Haven, IN for making this album digitally available.

Thanks to CDBaby.com much of my music is available now for digital download from sites such as Apple i-Tunes, Napster, Music Match, Rhapsody and more. Also, Tower Records (www.towerrecords.com) is now carrying 4 of my cds. Kind of cool. I feel so digitally documented. Cyber respect of sorts.